Walking Through a Dream
by Kimia-dono
Summary: A short one shotter. Hijikata goes to visit Souji in the Tuberulosis Hospital and tradgedy ensues. I've rated it K for blood...though it's not really violence, but I thought that I should just to be safe.


Hijikata made his way down the street toward the Tuberculosis hospital. He had promised that he would visit Soji before he left Kyoto for good, and he had been lying low for the last month or so as the radicals finally took control of the government. With each step his heart grew heavier with a sense of foreboding that he could not quite place.

The tiny building came into view on the rise of the hill that he had been slowly climbing and he took a deep breath to calm himself. He reached the door and slid it opened and was met with silence. There were few inhabitants within this small confine and he felt his heart tighten once more. Soji hated being alone. All that could be heard was faint coughing from some of the rooms and the brush of his tabied feet against the tatami mats as he made his way along, looking for the room that Tatsu, having come to visit him only just recently, had written down for him on a piece of paper.

"May I help you sir?" He turned at the sound of the soft female voice and looked mutely at her. Her face spoke of unbearable sadness and he knew why. She had to deal with suffering people here every day and watch helplessly as they died of a disease that, once caught, was uncurable.

"I'm looking for Okita, Soji." He answered huskily, her mood rubbing off on his already slightly sour one. She smiled slightly.

"He's such a nice man, it is a shame that he must die..." She trailed off and looked away before finally looking back at him with tears in her eyes.

"It's good that you came, there isn't much time left for him...and he is so lonely." She turned quickly to try and stop her weeping andthen turned back once again.

"Please follow me this way." She told him. He did so and followed her down some twisting halls until they came to a small room that had about two or three occupants within.

He recognized the pale face and long black hair as soon as he saw them even as it was splayed ina tangled mess across his pillow. He stalked over to him and looked down gruffly, as was his way, and was met with slightly unfocused violet eyes and a small, weak, smile spreading across chapped lips.

"Hijikata-san." The words were no more than a whisper that was harsh and rasped with his illness.

"How are you Soji?" He asked him quietly, fighting the tears.

"Oh...I've had better days." He said, laughing wheezily. "How are the others?" He asked hopefully-still fighting them- and Hijikata almost laughed. So like Soji to think of others when he was the one that needed help. And then his heart sank further. He couldn't tell him, couldn't bare his face if he was told the truth, that Kondo was dead as were many and most of the others. He shook his head as he knelt beside the cot.

"I...haven't heard from any of them." He lied. He knew that Soji was aware that he was lying, but he smiled anyway. He pushed himself up slowly and Hijikata tried in vain to keep him from doing so but the younger man would have none of it. He could feel how week he was as he pushed his hand away and then finally the tears, despite his efforts, burst forth and two large drops rolled down his cheeks.

"Hi-Hijikata-san...you never...cry...for anyone." Soji said, his eyes speaking his surprise.

"How can I not cry for you, you are like my own son." He answered and heard a small sob escape from a woman's lips. The girl obviously hadn't left. He didn't care any more.

"Don't worry for me anymore...I am glad...that I could be something to you other than a killer...and I am sorry, for all the things I have done to you." Hijikata looked up sharply at the young man.

"You have done nothing wrong Soji, never believe that you have." The man's face fell into a serious look and then he turned his eyes to the ceiling once more. Then he laughed again. It was not a humour filled thing.

"I guess...this is a fitting death for me." He said.

"Wha--"

"I have spent my life killing, I was gifted with a skill that no man should really have with a weapon, and now I atone for it with my suffering." He finished. He had managed to overpower Hijikata's voice despite the state of his throat and resperatory system.

"Soji."

"Tetsu and Tatsu came to visit me you know." He said suddenly and smiled in the way that Hijikata remembered so well. "They said that you were all right and I need not worry. I didn't believe them...but I guess they were right." He told him, regarding the other man, probably waiting for his reaction. He kept his face carefully neutral. It was always hard to tell what Soji was thinking.

"Say...Hijikata-san?"

"Hmm?" He grunted in response.

"Do you...still have that book of Haiku with you?" He asked. This surprised him to say the least but he nodded and brought out the said item. Okita took it from him carefully and opened the pages to read. He smiled wider.

"You were always horrible at these you know?" He told him. He grunted once more, this time in annoyance.

"Then why do you bother reading them each time?" He asked him.

"Because, I know that it annoys you."

"Hey!" He laughed once more and this time he started haking after it. "Soji?" He held the man's shoulders as they shook and noted that he now used a handkerchief to cover his mouth instead of his bare hand. When he pulled it away Hijikata caught a glance of bright scarlet before it was quickly hidden back in his yukata. He cleared his throat before picking up the book again and turned it back to the page he had been on before he dropped it.

"Say, do you remember the time that you chased me all around quarters for this thing?" He asked, continuing on as though nothing had just happened. He now understood what the doctor had meant when he had told him that Soji was strong not in just the physical sense but spiritually as well. He allowed himself to laugh, so long as it would ease this man's pain. He still reminded him of a little boy.

That was what he had been when he had given him a sword and allowed him to kill, just a boy that was devoid of parents to love him, and so that was what he had done his best to be. A parent. It would seem that he had not completely failed, but mostly, that was why he had refused, at first, to gift Tetsu with any blade at all. That had, it would seem, quickly changed.

"Hijikata-san, you are doing such strange things today." He told him, mirth audible within his strained voice.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked in annoyance.

"Well, you hardly ever laugh, and you _never_ cry, and so that you are doing it today is quite odd." He answered. He grunted again.

Those were some of the last words that Okita, Soji uttered.

The sudden onslaught of coughing didn't leave time for him to take out his handkerchief and so he used his bared hands and Hijikata watched in Horror as blood oozed between his fingers. He fell then and he caught him, his heart racing in panic.

"Soji! SOJI!" He didn't answer, for the attack would not allow it off him and Hijikata watched helplessly as the boy that he had raised started to go limp. He could feel the warmth of the blood seep through the sleeve of his yukata, saw it on his own hands and then finally it stopped. The whole room was silent save for his own ragged breathing. He swore that everyone could hear his heart.

"I'm sor...ry." The words were so faint that he could barely discern them. A pale hand reached up and placed itself upon his tear-stained cheek and marked it crimson. He hand't even realized that he had been crying.

"So-Soji." His voice was husky with grief. The hand slipped from his face and his body grew heavy in his arms.

Hijikata went numb.

He gently laid the body of his friend down on his pallet and arranged the sheets so that his hands were folded over top of them. He whiped red from his pale lips and closed now completely glazed over eyes that would never smile at him again. With that he got to his feet and felt as though he were no longer walking among the world that he had been within only moments before. He noticed dully that hs book laid opened on the floor and bent to pick it up, closing it and folding it within the 1st captain's hands. He turned and left the room, brushing passed a weeping nurse as he headed down the hall and toward the door to the outside world.

He walked for what seemed an eternity and most certainly hours passed as he wandered through the streets openly. It was a stupid idea, the towns people had always hated the Shinsengumi and the police had his description but he didn't care. He just kept walking. The sun was setting before he ran across the first newpaper boy that was running along the road throwing papers into the air.

"Extra, extra! The First Capatain of the Shinsengumi is dead, Okita, Soji has died of Tuberculosis!" And then he knew that it was final. He had thought that perhaps it had been a nightmare and that he would wake up. But, the truth was that it wasn't, and he would never see Okita, Soji again.


End file.
